Are you asking?

My sister has a philosophy that she has lived by for as long a she has been able to talk. She says, “It never hurts to ask, the worst they can do is say 'no'”. I think I've mostly made my peace with it now and I have accepted that it's who she is and I don't have to tell her “yes”, but for the longest time it would drive me absolutely crazy. Not only because I was too shy, too withdrawn to even think about asking, but also because most of the time she would dicker and bargain so that even if she was told “no” to begin with, she would still come out with what she wanted. (She inherited her negotiating skills from our Grandaddy and since he's no longer with us, I would definitely take her along if I'm ever in the market to purchase a car....or just about anything else.)

My favorite book in the bible is the Book of James. In fact, James, is probably one of my favorite people in the bible. I think he's absolutely fascinating. Just think about it. He's the brother of Jesus – yes, I know technically they are “half” brothers but just ask me and my “half” sister how little value that “half” designation has in our relationship. Honestly, I'm really hoping God has an awesome DVR type system because there are many moments in history I would love to get the chance to see, but the one I think I really want to see most is the one described in 1 Corinthians 15:7 (KJV) - After that, he was seen of James; then of all the apostles. I have tried many times to imagine what this scene would be like and I know that everything I come up with probably pales in comparison to what actually happened.

James was also the head of the brand new Christian church in Jerusalem. Just think of the overwhelming responsibility that position would have. Plus, James pretty much just tells it like it is. He doesn't worry about hurting anybody's feelings. I've heard the Book of James described as a spiritual tornado. I think that's a pretty good description. Half the time when I read it I feel guilty over things I think I should be doing but am not or things I shouldn't be doing but am. The other half of the time feel like I want to throw up my hands and shout “Hallelujah!! Thank you Lord!” (What's really scary are those occasions when I feel like doing both at the same time.)

One of my favorite scriptures in James is 1:5-6 (KJV) - 5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. (FYI – just in case you're wondering “upbraid” means to “find fault with or reproach severely”) Pretty amazing to know that God isn't going to get irritated with you or call you stupid if you ask Him a question and believe that He really will give you the answer.  But, James doesn't leave it at that, he tells us that it's our own fault if we don't have because we didn't ask.  James 4:2 (NIV) says: You desire but do not have, so you kill.  You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God.

 There have been many, many, many questions I've asked God before that He hasn't seemed to answer. When I look back on those questions I see that either I didn't really think He would take the time to answer or I didn't really want the answer I was pretty sure He was going to give and I can't say that I blame Him for not answering, since I wasn't even willing to listen.   There have also been times when I have asked a question and really wanted to know the answer and really believed that God would give me the answer and He did. He's given me answers that have blown me away, answers that have reassured me during difficult times, and answers that have more firmly grounded my faith and strengthened my relationship with Him.

Maybe as I move forward on my spiritual path and continue building my relationship with God it wouldn't hurt to adopt a little of my sister's philosophy. After all, according to James, as long as I'm asking with unwavering faith, it really doesn't hurt to ask.

Are you a sheep or a goat?

There are days, as I'm driving to work, that I can just tell it's going to be a difficult day. I don't know if it's because of my mood or if I can sense that there is already a “disturbance in the force”, most likely it's God giving me a little nudge and saying, “Hey, you need to be ready, today's going to be a tough one.” It is on those days that instead of listening to regular music, or KLOVE on the radio, I find myself tuned in to Catholic radio. At 7:00 a.m., Monday through Saturday, they broadcast Daily Mass, live from a chapel in Irondale, AL. Most days I'm able to time it just perfectly, when I'm at the tallest point on 3 mile bridge, the sun is coming up over the bay, sometimes there are rays of sunlight shining through the clouds, then the introduction to the broadcast begins. A choir begins singing, “Aaaaa...aaaa.aaaaa..aaaa” and a voice comes on speaking as Christ during the last supper. It is one of those moments when I just want to throw my hands in the air and say, “Thank you God!!! Thank you Jesus!!!” Then, as I finish the drive across the bridge and up the hill to the hospital, the bells are ringing and the organ starts playing and scriptures are being read and I'm singing along with the Kyrie, (Thank you Mr. H and Woods Cross High School Concert Choir!) I feel my well being filled and I know that no matter how bad the day is, I can do all things through Christ!

It was on one of these mornings that the priest was reading from the Gospel of Matthew. He read from verse 31 to the end of the chapter but for the sake of space and attention spans I'm only including the text for Matthew 25: 31-34, 41 and 46 (KJV). 31 When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory: 32 And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats: 33 And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left. 34 Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: 41 Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels: 46 And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal.

I decided I needed to explore the question, “Are you a sheep or a goat?”
Looking into the differences between sheep and goats seemed like the most obvious place to start. Of course there are plenty of physical differences but what struck me the most were the behavioral differences. Goats are more curious, inquisitive and independent. Sheep have a flock mentality and one sheep will become agitated if separated from the flock. But, because they have this flock mentality, they have a better defense against predators. Rams (male sheep) are able to dominate bucks (or billys – male goats) because in a fight, the buck will rear up before charging and the ram will just tuck its head and charge. So, while the buck is still preparing to charge the ram is knocking the wind out of it with a direct hit to it's abdomen. One of the sites I looked at had a great quote from a woman named Paula, “Sheep are very territorial and have even killed skunks, raccoons, and fought off fox, coyotes. I would have to think by far as a flock sheep are smarter the goats. Goats will be so in to everything they will hurt them selves. I have seep a goat get its head stuck and snap its own neck.” Then there's the whole voice recognition thing. In the reading I did on sheep and goats, I never once found anything about a goat being able to recognize the voice of the goatherd but sheep are able to recognize the voice of their shepherd.
A few days ago I was listening to a podcast from Passion City Church. The speaker was talking about why Ted Turner (you know, Mr. TNT, TBS, CNN) decided to be an atheist. I had to look into the details of this myself because there was something I could identify with in his story. Sure enough, Ted Turner decided years and years ago to become atheist after his sister died from Lupus. The reason I identify with this? Although I didn't decide God didn't exist after the death of my father 14 years ago, I did decide to turn my back on Him and turned to a life of drinking, drugs and men to try and fill the void. I hurt everyone I love and did monumental damage to my relationships with those closest to me. I made choices and did things that could have and should have resulted in the loss of my freedom and even my life.
What it all boils down to is this, I've tried living the life of a goat, being curious, inquisitive and independent and it very nearly ruined everything. I am so very thankful that God is merciful and forgiving and that I have been given the chance to rebuild relationships and live a good life. I know that the phrase “sheep mentality” has a very negative stigma attached to it but I choose to look at it differently. Living the life of a goat, a life of sin, I never knew who I could trust and never knew who liked me just for being me, always felt insecure and alone and I know I never gave security and unconditional friendship to anyone else. Living the life of a sheep, as part of a flock, I know who my friends are, I know I am loved and that with God in my life I am never, ever alone. Honestly, my very worst day living the life of a sheep and following Christ, is far and away better than my very best day living the life of a goat.
To add just a bit of a personal touch to the end of the scripture Joshua 24:15, “as for me and my house, we will be sheep.” (Oh and just so you know, Ted Turner rejoined the flock back in 2008 and apologized for the anti-Christian/anti-religion statements he'd made in the past.)

Are you a helper of joy?

A few months ago I was at a local restaurant having dinner with an amazing group of women friends. The food was good, the conversation was awesome (as it always is when these women get together)! What I remember most about that night, is that at some point during the conversation, every woman sitting at that table said they felt that if people knew the “real” them, those people wouldn't like them. I remember it so vividly because I had two very different reactions to these statements. I thought, “Oh, cool, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels that way about myself.”, but at the same time I thought, “What are you talking about, you all are wonderful, amazing women, I'm the only horrible person at this table.” Thinking about my reactions on the way home from dinner that night, I realized, my friends, my mom and sister, were probably having very similar reactions to mine.

The weeks passed and I just couldn't get that conversation out of my mind. I decided I would try and write a poem about it, because I used to enjoy writing poetry and was, I think, pretty good at it. I even had a great line for the end of each section, “They only like the me I'm pretending to be”. (Awesome, right?) I wrote two sections, read them out loud to mom and realized they sounded like a really bad Dr. Seuss imitation and scrapped the project. I was dealing with deep, raw emotions and putting them down in rhyming verse just seemed to me to be a bit too.... silly. At least that's what I told myself. If I'm being perfectly honest, the real reason I scrapped the project is because I was afraid. You see, God had given me the last line to the poem and when I realized what I would have to feel and let go of to get from my beginning, “They only like the me I'm pretending to be,” to His ending, “Oh my child, why cant you see. You are exactly who I created you to be.” it freaked me out a bit.

A few more weeks passed. I was reading in my bible and came across the scripture 2 Corinthians 1:24 which says: “Not for that we have dominion over your faith, but are helpers of your joy: for by faith ye stand.” I'm sure that when most people read that scripture they focus on the “by faith ye stand” part, but the phrase that caught me was “helpers of your joy”. I started wondering what it means to be a helper of joy, how does one go about becoming a helper of joy, what joy? I looked up the word in the dictionary and found it does mean what I thought it did, “the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires “. I kept looking down the page and came across the synonyms section, the first one listed there is beatitude. The definition for beatitude, other than being a part of the Sermon on the Mount, is “a state of utmost bliss”. I then looked up the word bliss which means “complete happiness, Paradise, Heaven”. All this led me right back to the bible, the Beatitudes to be specific, I pulled up Bible Gateway on my computer, found the passage and added parallel versions. (In general I prefer KJV but sometimes reading the same scripture in a couple different translation helps me understand it better.) I love the way this part sounds in the KJV, it's almost identical in the NIV, but when I read the interpretation in The Message Bible, OH MY GOODNESS!!

Matthew 5:3-12

The Message (MSG)

3 “You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.
4 “You’re blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.
5 “You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.
6 “You’re blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat.
7 “You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being ‘care-full,’ you find yourselves cared for.
8 “You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.
9 “You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family.
10 “You’re blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God’s kingdom.
11-12 “Not only that—count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don’t like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.


There is no way for me to adequately describe the mountains of emotional junk that crumbled away as I read these definitions and scriptures. I guess what it all comes down to is realizing that I'm ok, exactly as I am because God is there, He is guiding me through everything and helping me become exactly who he intended me to be. He's shown me that by listening to Him, but doing something as simple as calling someone I've been thinking about all day, by mailing a card to someone – just because, by listening to someone else's worries, or by just hugging someone who looks like they need it, I really can be a “helper of joy”.


Finally, to the women of “The Circle”, both those who were sitting at the table that night and those who weren't. When I read the verses from the Beatitudes, your lovely faces come to mind. Whether you realize it or not, you have been there for me when I've been at the end of my rope, when I've been persecuted, and when I've lost. You've been care-full and allowed me to care for you. You've been helping me be content with just who I am, work up a good appetite for God, and overall get my inside world – mind and heart – put right. You are my beautiful beatitudes, you are my “Helpers of Joy”